Last month a friend forwarded an article to me. The title of the article was, ?A Broken Heart Can Kill?. I would say the article was interesting, but truthfully, ?disturbing? is probably a more accurate description of my reaction.
The article described what doctors are now calling ?Broken Heart Syndrome.? Broken Heart Syndrome occurs when the heart shuts down physically for emotional reasons. Strong waves of fear, anxiety, anger, grief or other emotions can literally stun the heart muscle to the point where it no longer pumps. So in effect, the Syndrome?s symptoms mimic a heart attack.
The article?s author, therapist and television personality Mary Jo Rapini, writes, ?Study after study has proven you can die from a broken heart, proving further that true love as well as intense grief is felt at a cellular level in the body.? She also reports that recovery is possible, but that treating physicians and therapists agree the best medicine for surviving Broken Heart Syndrome is a quick infusion of communication, connection and support.
In other words ? good communication matters. It matters so much that its presence or absence in our lives can even become a life or death matter.
I mention this now because if there were ever a good time to reorder our priorities in favor of high quality communication and healthier relationships, the month of January is it.?January?is also a great month to have a mini reunion. We have a whole new year stretching out before us ? 12 pristine shiny months we can do whatever we like with. We can spend those months isolating or connecting, laughing or crying, giving or withholding, receiving or rejecting. We can allocate our time to projects or people, conversations or possessions, courtesy or curtness.
Truthfully, we will want and need to do some of each in the year to come. There will be days when we do not feel like talking ? or listening ? and times we are all about sharing our lives with loved ones. There will be times when our emotional resilience is lower and times when we feel emotionally very strong. We will have moments when we have a lot to give and moments when we feel we have little or nothing to offer. This is life ? this is normal ? this is what being human is all about.
But this is also when relationships matter the most. Only the strongest, healthiest relationships can survive the inevitable, unpredictable ups and downs of each participant?s daily life. Since all healthy relationships are built on a foundation of good communication, I thought now would be an excellent time to review some good communication basics.
To do this, I draw from a favorite resource, The New York Times bestselling book (for eight years running) ?The Four Agreements? by don Miguel Ruiz. As you will see, Ruiz? work is all about communication. His four simple Agreements function equally well in professional and personal communication settings. You will also notice how well each Agreement works with and supports the others. After each Agreement I also share a few of my own thoughts about how each can work to support good communications and healthy relationships.
The First Agreement: Be impeccable with your word.
Here, simply be honest. Be forthright. Treat others the way you want to be treated by speaking to others the way you want to be spoken to. Treat yourself well too. Wait to let strong emotions pass before responding in tense situations. Don?t gossip. Seek the highest interpretation for the other person?s words and start the conversation there.
The Second Agreement: Don?t take anything personally.
Remember that just as you think quite a bit about yourself, your goals, your dreams, your hopes and your life, so too are others consumed with similar thoughts about themselves. Whether someone reaches out in anger or in love, their action says far more about their life than they do about yours, or even about your relationship with them or your value to them.
The Third Agreement: Don?t make assumptions.
Rather, ask questions. Making assumptions is a great way to avoid honest conversation. If you catch yourself wondering about something that is said or how someone is acting, recognize that you have an opportunity to make a connection by asking them about it. As well, any time you challenge your own assumptions, do so with kindness towards yourself and others.
The Fourth Agreement: Always do your best.
Recognize here that some days your best will be really good and other days it won?t be good at all. In other words ? keep trying to meet the other participant in the conversation halfway, understanding that some days you will fall short, other days you will overreach and still other days you will meet each other right in the middle.
Happy communicating, Happy reconnecting, and Happy New Year!
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Source: http://www.steve-britton.com/communication-matters/
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